The Day Sue Died – 5 years today.

Today is a day like any other. Except it isn’t quite like any other, it has a certain poignancy to it. Five years ago today my beloved Sue died – my wife for 32 years. My recurring diary entry for today says ‘The day Sue died and my world collapsed.’ It certainly felt like it had collapsed. Death will touch all of our lives, sometimes as a quiet intruder, sometimes as a violent house invasion. However it comes, it leaves a mark. Sometimes it’s a trail of destruction.

When someone precious dies, you don’t get over it or move on. (How I hate those most unhelpful and cruel phrases). You don’t forget but you can move forward. Sue didn’t want me to mope around but to enjoy my life. I did do plenty of moping around but with help from dear friends and our three children I have moved forward.

The biggest help in my life – and the cause of all the helps – is my God and Saviour. In the providence of God He has provided Sandra (herself a widow) complete with her family – who incidentally I love very much.

The Grace of God is a very wonderful and very real thing.

Sue hadn’t been gone long and life without her was really hard. I remember going to a History Lecture (as I do) and a remarried widow there said to me ‘Mike, it might not seem like it just now, but it does get easier.’ No, it didn’t seem like it at the time. But after 5 years, I can tell you, that for me, it has got easier. But I know for some that it hasn’t got easier at all. Each day is really really tough. Frankly, I don’t know what to say, but if I were with you I’d give you a big hug and say nothing. And probably cry with you. The Lord has brought you this far. Look up and see Christ seated on His throne. And if you aren’t a Christian perhaps for the first time look up for His help. If you are a Christian, as hard as it is, keep looking up.

So today, again, I raise my Ebenezer and say ‘Hitherto has The Lord helped me.’

Kind author and ground of my hope.

Thee, Thee, for my God I avow:

my glad Ebenezer set up,

and own Thou hast helped me till now.

I muse on the years that are past,

wherein my defence Thou hast proved;

nor wilt Thou relinquish at last

a sinner so signally loved!
(Augustus Montague Toplady, 1740-78)