I’ve just finished reading ‘Against All Odds’ by Paul Connolly – Kindle edition. It’s quite a brave book to write, it’s honestly written and pulls no punches (pun intended). The early chapters are quite a harrowing account of life in an institution till he was forced to leave at the age of 17. Paul was abandoned at two weeks old and left out with the rubbish and his book is really an account of his ongoing battle with a sense of worthlessness. If you are offended by very strong language then I don’t recommend you read it. But if you can get past the language and some of the abuse it really is a story of survival ‘Against All The Odds’. We see or meet people and perhaps comment how some individuals have something written on their forehead. For some it’s the word ‘Jail’, for others it’s ‘Abuse Me’ or it might be ‘Thug’ and we all see these labels from time to time. We might also comment on how some kids often through no fault of their own, do not stand a chance – they are marked as it were from birth. Such was Paul Connelly, at least that’s what he was told.
It a story that ultimately triumphs over a horrendous upbringing and the damage that followed him into adulthood and that he still is not entirely free from like the rage within him that he struggles to control ever day. Thankfully he found, in his words, a wonderful woman and he now has two wonderful young boys. It is remarkable indeed that he has defeated the lies of those so-called ‘carers’ by living a normal life.
What’s my response to the book as a Christian? Because of the link that altered me to the book I naively expected there to be some Christian input. It didn’t take long for me to realise this wasn’t going to happen. The only encounter Paul had with Christianity was in the home so understandably there is no mention of God in the book except towards the end when he contemplates killing the ‘carers’. These were individuals that by any standard had really escaped true justice in spite of the best efforts of some police officers. Here’s the passage at the end of Chapter 12 where Paul writes:
“Some of them have paid something for their crimes, but they havent paid nearly enough and I dont believe in a just God who punishes the wicked after death. I wish that I did because, if anyone ever deserved fire and brimstone, it was them.”
It’s a fascinating quote because it shows how Paul has a sense of justice that unfortunately does not extend to some of the victims he battered senseless. Did they all really ‘deserve’ it, or even most of them – I doubt it. I’m reminded of the end of ‘Unforgiven’ with Clint Eastwood. Little Bill is facing death and says ‘not like this, I don’t deserve this’ to which William Munny (Eastwood) replies ‘what’s deserve got to do with it’. Unlike the justice of men, the justice of God is righteous and He knows all the details. The fact is we all, me, Paul, everyone, deserves the judgement of God. But through the free Grace of God in the Gospel of Christ repentant sinners may go free.
There are some great insights into the human condition as he deals honestly with his own inward state and the resultant struggle within. This is something Paul would fail to appreciate but he is articulating what the real problem is: it’s a heart problem. Jesus teaches quite specifically, that it isn’t what comes out of a man or the exterior – how good and righteous we make ourselves out to be, even deluding ourselves – it’s the sinful nature within that is the problem. And only God in Christ can sort that out. His book made me think I should be less judgemental. That drunk that we see staggering down the road: I do not know his story. Maybe he has a similar story to Paul. As a Christian what’s the very best I can do for such people? I can hold out hope and give them words of eternal life. And where possible maybe a hot drink and a non-condemnatory chat and treat them as a human being of worth, people made in the image of God yet ravaged by sin. Though terribly marred by sin they nevertheless have the stamp of God’s image upon them.
The full title is ‘Against All The Odds: The Most Amazing True Life Story You’ll Ever Read’. It isn’t the most amazing true life story I’ve ever read, it is an amazing story, but the Life of Jesus Christ is the most amazing story I’ve ever read and am likely to read. Here’s where I’m left disappointed and sad: and if somehow Paul does read these words I trust he’ll take them as well-meant and full of hope. Although it’s a marvellous outcome for him he’s still without Christ and without hope. I admire him but at the last day when he stands before God to give an account if he is without Christ he’ll be damned. There’s just no easy or nice way to say it. But it’s true. Without a Saviour he’ll end up in the same place as his abusers. I know this is an unpalatable truth, but really it is the great leveler as ‘we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ’. But ‘Christ loves the unlovely that lovely they may be’. This is real hope!
All the while reading about Paul I couldn’t but help compare his life – and outcome – with another book I read a little while ago by Mez McConnell ‘Is There Anybody Out There‘: A Journey from Despair to Hope. Mez suffered horrific abuse from beatings and drug use that today affect his health and probably always will. Mez turned to Christ and is now the Pastor of a Church. He works with the dregs of society, the druggy, the dropouts and seeks to lead them to Christ. Check out a previous post on Mez and the links there to find out more. Here’s his Blog. And read his book.
As good a story as Paul’s is and as inspiring as it is, it falls short. Why? I’d like to believe that Paul seeks to help those caught in desperate circumstances but his resources are finite and the hope he offers is limited to this life. But the Gospel comes with the Power of God to change us from within, to forgive, to cleanse and to keep. Paul couldn’t help me – I couldn’t afford his services, but the Salvation offered by Christ is free to all that will call on Him. And Christ will never turn anyone away.
It’s turned out well for Paul, and I’m glad it has. But his story is unfinished without a Saviour – and so is yours.
UPDATE: Sincere apologies, I mis-spelt Connolly. Now corrected. I know a Connelly and didn’t notice the difference until it was pointed out to me.
I have almost finished reading the book. I was so surprised by how many similarities there are with children from care homes. I was bought up in care from the age of 3 -8. I cried while reading the book as some parts of the book was me as the small child. When I came out of care my life changed and not for the better. I am 38 now and still live with the Demons. I ended up with someone who I put all my trust in and thought truly loved me but it was untrue. I went through emotional and mental abuse again as an adult by this person and I am sorry to say I am still going through it. But after all of this I am the person I am because of what I have lived through and been through. Reading Paul’s book during a bad time in my life is helping me understand that, it doesn’t matter where you come from just believe and keep believing even when you feel all hope is lost. That is my faith and that is all I need to believe in. Thank you Paul for being such a uplifting and inspirational person. May you continue to succeed.
Hello Zip. Thanks for visiting and taking the time to read the post and especially to reply – much appreciated.
I’m sorry to hear of your story and that you still face your demons. I can see how the Book by Paul Connolly would be a help to you and though his story (like yours) is a horrific one he has emerged victorious. I’m not sure though, as revealed in the book, that all people in care have the same strength of character to emerge victorious and you may be one of those – I don’t know.
What I believe I can do is point you in the first instance to the book by Mez McConnell ‘Is there anybody out there’ and see a very different outcome. You say you have to ‘just believe and keep believing even when you feel all hope is lost. That is my faith and that is all I need to believe in.’ but you don’t say what your belief or trust is in. I’m not in the business of pointing people to a false hope but I am in the business of pointing people to Christ. Here is someone that will not let you down but invites people to come to Him for rest for their souls and one that is able to heal the broken-hearted. Mez was changed by Jesus Christ and like all Christians now participates in the victory that Christ secured at the Cross and through His Resurrection. Believing and putting your trust in Jesus Christ is to have a hope built on something solid and real – a foundation. Trusting in Christ will not necessarily get rid of your demons but Jesus is a sure refuge, and makes changes on the inside. Trusting in Jesus really means to hand over control to Him. Many a lost cause has been radically transformed by Jesus. People do matter to Jesus.
I would urge you to visit Mez’s Church Website (http://www.niddrie.org/). He ministers in Edinburgh on the Niddrie housing scheme to many that are hopeless and completely written off by society. Also visit his Blog: http://niddriepastor.com/
All I can do in the end is to simply and earnestly point you to Jesus Christ. Try reading the New Testament and come honestly to God with all your demons and fears. He said ‘come to me all you that are weary and heavy laden’.
Try following the Church contacts links on my Blog and check out the messages or articles. Please come back to me for more information and I’ll try to help if I can.
you are more than welcome Zip, be true to yourself Zip, you are far Stronger than you will ever know, we all are. I get my context this Days from working with kids just like we were. I Work with the VRH a reading Charity and a Boxing Charity from London. Let me tell you, that by Helping others i have helped myself far more.You feel so good when you know you have made a difference to someones life. As The Great Man Ali said, Show me a man that thinks the same way at 50 as he did at 20 and i will show you a waste of a life. There is always Better to come Zip.We all get back what we give out. if you Believe in yourself, So will others. Keep Marching on My Friend and you will Surly get there. you can give so much to people that need your input Zip. Good Luck and lots of Love Paul Connolly x
Thanks for dropping by Paul.